Tuesday, 22 April 2014

NaPoWriMo Catch-up: Why I Will Never Write Poems for Children

Write a poem for kids, you say? Yeah, right...

Hello little person! And why, may I inquire
are you reading these notes from the moral quagmire
that's my life? If the rest of these poems you have seen,
you'll have noticed they're not really PG-13.

There's the half-naked person of non-binary gender
using their fists, knees and elbows to render
a huge lump of clay into nothing but mulch:
I imagine your folks would think that a bit much.

There's a number of poems about BDSM
(no, I won't spell that out: see your parents? Ask them),
one about an MP who molests other men:
I'm not saying these things should be outwith your ken, 

I'm not saying that knowing life's like this is wrong,
but let's face it kid, this ain't The Gruffalo Song.
There are much better poems for the likes of yourself.
What? Yes, I know I read Watchmen back when I was twelve,

but for Heaven's sake, kid, there's a poem about hookers
that I posted last entry, this ain't the Big Book of
Acceptable Poetry Dictated by Gove.
I doubt they'd even teach these in Brighton and Hove,

and they're famously liberal in that LEA.
No, I'm not actually trying to drive you away, 
just suggesting you maybe come back when you're older?
(In the meantime, your folks can use Bandcamp to order).

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