FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

I've given it a good hour and the rage has yet to subside. They did it. The Lib Dems have sold out to the Tories, and now we have to look forward to David Cameron as Chief Shitbag for...well, realistically another six months. But six minutes with that prick in charge is too fucking long.

There are crumbs of comfort. Stroud didn't get in; but the Darth Sidious to her pious little Anakin, Iain Duncan Smith, will get a place in the Cabinet, it seems. As will Michael Howard, architect of the fascist Criminal Justice Act and a vile piece of political scum I will hate with every fibre of my being until the day I die or he does. And William 'One Shandy' Hague, the bumptious, cringeworthy overgrown child. Scum. Beasts. Monsters. Bastards, every last filth-sucking one of them.

A bigger crumb is that the North pretty much categorically rejected the Tories, with the exception of a weird enclave in Carlisle who must surely, even now, be looking around them like those truck drivers who stopped during the LA Riots and thinking shitshitshitshit... Well done, the North. Especially Tynemouth. If there was one place I thought would go Tory, it was you. But you didn't. You kept the faith. Well done. I rag on the North East harder than pretty much anyone writing up here (and don't think I'm going to let up out of solidarity during the Cameron junta - if you bastards fuck up I will still call you on it), but it's only because I fucking love the place, and one of the things that makes me love it is that, despite all the propaganda in the Mail and the Sun, the people up here still have the good goddam sense to stick two fingers up to the Tories, and, while they're at it, to tell the BNP to fuck right off as well. Hats off to the Geordies - they are black and white, but they don't fight, except after ten pints on a Saturday night...*and while we're at it the Mackems, the Smoggies, the Monkey-hangers, Sand-dancers and everyone else. We'll keep the Red Flag flying here if we have to impale the fucking Tories on it.

And the biggest crumb is that with the Lib Dems surely not all intent on falling into line behind Clegg, and a tiny majority otherwise, and the Tory backbenches sure to rise up and fuck Cameron mightily where even Murdoch's Sun can't shine, and Europe looming to split the Tories as per, Cameron's leadership is going to be Hell for the Old Etonian scumbag. And that's before we even get to the fact that I and a lot of other people will be fighting him and his ilk every damn step of the way. He'll be out in six months and, far from being the 'heir to Blair' he'll be remembered as a worse PM than Major.

Welcome, David Cameron. Welcome to Hell. I only hope for your sake that it's a worse Hell for you than it is for the rest of us.

The rage continues.

* and caps doffed to Bill Bailey's 'Hats off to the Badgers' song, lovingly ripped off in the sentence preceding this footnote.