A spoken word group I'm a member of on Facebook is currently facing an infestation of Christbots spamming up the joint with links to their prosperity gospel bollocks. You'll know from past entries that I take a dim view of people trying to smuggle evangelicalism into spoken word or poetry. So I wrote this about it.
The O.T. (Optimus Testament)
Excuse me, Sir, will you listen to a rhyme
telling you the Good News about Optimus Prime?
‘Freedom is the right of all sentient beings’
was the creed that He followed and applied in all things
but His life took a turn for the strange and dark
when He boarded a Cybertronian ship called The Ark
which flew across the galaxy and soon found berth
on a planet which one day we would all know as Earth.
There Prime slumbered, and He slept a lot,
so long He completely missed the Dinobots,
until carbon-based lifeforms with a taste for carbs
began proliferating and invented cars.
Crashed in a mountain, slept in a cave,
quality trucking was what Prime craved,
so He emerged from the hill with His Autobot allies
as sophisticated robots in vehicular disguise.
And soon Prime would learn that He wasn’t alone,
He’d been followed by some shifty dude called Megatron,
though ‘shifty’ is misspelling it ‘cause Megs was straight shitty,
destined to kill Prime one day in Autobot City,
though Optimus would then pass on the Matrix and its power
which in the hands of Rodimus would light our darkest hour.
So tell me good Sir, do you have the time
to hear the New Testament of Rodimus Prime?
Given that, on average, I tend to write an actually funny poem once every five years or so, I look forward to amusing you all with another bit of light verse in 2027, as we cower from Raider attacks and contemplate killing each other for the water in our bodies a la Malcolm McDowell in Tank Girl.
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