In which I attempt to start a rap battle with the Secretary of State for Education

On Thursday we heard the appalling news that George Michael has been the victim of an event even more humiliating than the time the LAPD honey-trapped him in that public toilet, specifically the fact that he, like the rest of us, had to witness Michael Gove doing WHAMrap! to prove he is 'down wiv da kidz'.

Fortunately I happened to be attending the spoken-word phenomenon that is JibbaJabba that night to see a line-up including the brilliant Asa J Madison and the amazing Rachel McCrum, so I took the opportunity to get up on the open mic and issue a response to the (dis)honourable gentleman. I believe you young people refer to this as 'battling'?